teary life..

feeling very exhausted.. i can barely move.. am i physically tired? .. no.. i am mentally n emotionally drenched...weird.. why? i can't understand ..oh.. i guess know now.. i am tired with my life..ya.. everything goes wrong in my life..nothing seems right..feeling my life is full of shit.. i think it is better for me to be left alone.. that is y.. u can see me walking alone almost everywhere.. with my head facing down.. walking aimlessly.. without a clue.. sometimes my life do light up a lil.. but in the end, it will turn off after a while.. worse.. it has not been rekindled for some time now... i am worried.. will it be forever this way? i hope not.. every day i wish that things will turn up better ..will it?


there's a thorn that has been pricking my heart for many many years... its very painful... but i did not take it out.. y?...because i could not do it.. it was a symbol.... a very meaningful yet painful symbol.. reminding me.. of ..someone.. but now.. i can let go off that torn.. becos it is time.. there are so many things that are much more important for me to seek... so many people for me to care.. so many things to learn.. i am a bit slow.. but i did it.. didn't i?.. u were gone for good.. n i hope that i will have nothing to do with u.. in the near future..

..Lately,.. i realized that.. that.. in my whole life.. the only person that i love is calvin..y? i dun no y.. but partly becos he is the only guy that treasures me, as if i am a fragile baby.. never want me to get hurt.. although he was very protective, but i knew.. he did all these because he loves me..and i love him.. i guess it's too late for me to realized that.. i was just too blind to c wat he is trying to do.. he was actually scared.. scared tat i might leave him.. n worried that i might not love him anymore.. how i wish .. i could tell him.. that .. he is so important in my life.. n all the memories that we have .. were all genuine.. .. i love u, baby calvin..

things are though between the both of us... but i just want u to be happy...nevermind wat i feel.. i really want u to be happy...

hmm..

tears seem to be falling without knowing why..
a sudden thought rush into my head..
it was me all the while..
why am i born this way?
why can't i be satisfied with who i am?
can't people see that i am dying inside?
everyone is just being selfish..
they just say things without knowing the damage it might cause..
funny.. i did such things to people without my conscious..
i guess i am ruining someone's life too..
y am i so blind to see that..
i hate myself.
i need to take a nap..