good bye..........

i couldn't sleep yesterday, i felt something was amiss, didn't know what i was feeling, trembling at the same time, confused. Wanted to tell baby, but i knew he would say that i think too much. Was I? About 5 am , i woke up again, why is this happening? is God trying to tell me something? or warn me about something? i wasn't sure.. so i tried to sleep again.

about 1030 am, i kicked off my comforters and have the urge to go online. Something is wrong.. very wrong..i checked my list of e-mails and alan's friendster message caught my eye. Usually i'll just ignore it for a while before reading it, but i don't know..my heart is telling me that the message is very important... and so i opened it... and there it was... a message that changed not only his gf's life, but the lives of those around him. a message that was clearly stated but still i am unsure if that's the meaning .. maybe it was a practical joke? who wants to joke about death? that's insane!

after posting it in the bulletin board in friendster, i tried to ease my mind by reading my friends' blogs. and it was Elaine's turn,.when i read the first few lines, it was about her orientation n stuffs.. as i slowly scrolled down.. she mentioned bout tzong huat's death.. it was so hurtful.. his gf's (wan ting) 21st birthday is just around the corner, and he will never able to attend it.. it's so so.. unfair. it's just so... absurd!! i couldn't take this anymore, went to hug my baby and started crying.. :(

y is this happening? both tzong huat and teck chuan r both good guys, clever, funny, active , nice and the other positive personalities. but why them? seriously! i'm not angry with God. I'm just angry that this is happening to our friends.. although i'm not close to them, but i can vividly remember their laughter.... teck chuen is always laughing at me during the chess tournament during lower primary school... and tzong huat? i laughed at him before saying he very black, like charcoal.. but now they r gone...i can never hear their laughter anymore...


i can't believe that i will never see them again....



sorry that i did not get to know u better before this.


i miss u both...


u will forever live in our hearts..


rest in peace....